


Welcome, my friends

by schrijverr



Series: Home, Weird Home [8]
Category: The Mechanisms (Band)
Genre: Child Death, Child Murder, Come on, Crack, Gen, Humor, Raph backstory, Raph is Willy Wonka, aka i think im funny, and Willy Wonka style, but it is there, it's kinda funy, it's not explicit, okay but just picture jonny or brian in the oompa loompa uniforms
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-16
Updated: 2021-02-16
Packaged: 2021-03-18 17:00:37
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,095
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29493210
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/schrijverr/pseuds/schrijverr
Summary: The whole premise here is that Raph is Willy Wonka and they go to kill some kids and eat some candy.Series is more an overarching vibe, not a connected storyline
Series: Home, Weird Home [8]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1879876
Comments: 8
Kudos: 22





	Welcome, my friends

**Author's Note:**

> You can find this on my tumblr, which is @schrijverr as well. Hope you pop in and say hi, cause I'd love to talk to y'all!! <3
> 
> I have seen one Willy Wonka movie in my life, so don’t come for me on accuracy on that part.

“Where are we going?” Raphaella asked.

“Marius got to pick and he wanted to go to earth, to understand Tim better or something.” Nastya answered, “Though I think Brain is going to an alternate timeline than Tim's, just to be safe. We don’t want to ruin the timeline accidentally.”

“Anything interesting you know off in this timeline?” Raph was ever so curious.

“You’ll just have to wait and see, I think we’re coming up on it now.” Nastya shrugged.

Raphaella hurried to the window to press up against it as they landed, it was an industrial planet and she couldn't shake the feeling of familiarity. 

Before she could pin it down Ivy called them all together to go over the planet, so that they would know what to expect. She began: “So, this planet is earth, but not Tim's earth exactly, but it is broadly similar if industrialization had proceeded like on the other earth we visit from time to time to do gigs.”

“Is there anything fun to do?” Jonny asked.

“Fun or violent?” Ivy replied.

Jonny shrugged: “I don’t care, it’s broadly the same.”

“Well, it’s most well known for it’s candy factory, run by someone named Willy Wonka” Ivy said, “That could be fun.”

Raph perked up and said: “Oh, we’re here! I have a great fun plan. We will need some fliers printed and get a few things set up, but it has so much potential. You all can be oompa loompas and-”

She got interrupted by Ashes, who said: “What the fuck are you on about, Raph?”

“I’m Willy Wonka.” she told them in lieu of an explanation.

“You’re who?” multiple people asked at the same time.

“Willy Wonka.” she repeated as if that would clear anything up, then she clarified further, “It sounded better than my actual name for marketing and I started it so that I could do both science and fund said science until I could make myself immortal and fly away.”

“You,” Tim said, “ran a candy, let me repeat, candy factory?”

“Yes, now if I’m correct we’re just after I left, but I never really told anyone or left it all in good hands, so we can do this now and I really do have this marvelous plan that we can-”

She got cut off yet again, this time by Jonny: “That sounds boring.”

“You’ll get to kill some kids.” Raph said as a peace offering.

“Sold. Let’s go help Raph murder some kids.” Jonny started to get up, clearly done with the whole brief.

“Wait, no, killing children would be wrong.” Brian stopped him.

“We’ll only kill bad children.” Raph said, “Don’t worry about it, Brian.”

“Bad children?” Brian asked.

“Yeah, you know, those kids who will later become bad people and hurt others. We can flip your switch if you’d like?” Raph answered.

“Maybe.” Brian whispered.

“Alright, so that’s settled, let’s get to the killing of kids.” Jonny said, already in a much better mood than at the start.

They gathered their stuff and landed, for once not in the middle of no where to be inconspicuous, but right in the middle of a big industrial complex. Raph gave them a brief rundown of her operations here, it was mostly run by robots, she called oompa loompas.

There she explained her plan with golden tickets and finding the right person to leave it for. Jonny groaned: “But this is all so boring, Raph. When will it get fun?”

“Right now.” Raphaella said as she handed him a piece of gum, “Here.”

Jonny grumbled some more and put the piece of candy in his mouth and started to chew. Everyone except him seemed to notice the gleam in Raphaellas eyes as she watched him chew, so they looked closely as Jonny started to swell and swell and turn blue.

At some point he noticed too, but it was too late by then and he was already rolling, as he rolled away Raph called after him: “And that’s how it will be fun!”

After that they all were on board. Brian, TS and Ivy helped Raphaella plan, while Nastya explored the machinery around her and the others fucked around with the candy.

Then the day came, when the gates would open and the few lucky kids would enter the magical factory of Willy Wonka. Everyone was in their places, some more giddily than others, awaiting their part.

It took a while, but soon enough Raph entered the room with the chocolate river, followed by a group of people. One of the boys rushed to the riverside and started to drink out of the river. Raph was giving him the stink eye over it and Jonny thought that this was his cue.

He hadn’t been that satisfied to hear that most of the child murder was going to take place at the hands of the invention instead of his own, but no one had told him he couldn't help.

So, he slid into the river as well as swam over to the boy and subtly pulled him into the river, dragging him over to the pipe and sticking him in it, before climbing out behind a bush. He met Raphaellas eyes and winked as she grinned back.

Then she got distracted by a lady, presumably the boys mother. Raph blew on her flute and all came out in their uniforms among the oompa loompa robots, looking like idiots, as they sang a disapproving song about the kid in question, before the group moved on.

They were later called again, this time to roll away a girl who turned into a blueberry. Raph as Willy told her father they were going to squeeze her to save her, but Jonny and Tim had already decided to pop her like a blueberry balloon.

The other girl got taken by a shoot, but beside Raph they hadn’t been there on the floor working, instead they were waiting on her down below.

After that they didn’t see Raph until she came by to tell them what had happened before boarding Aurora.

When she was done, Jonny huffed and crossed his arms as he said: “It almost feels like we did something good today and I don’t like it.”

“We murdered three children.” Brian replied, voice a bit shrill.

“Yeah, yeah, but it had a happy ending, very boring honestly. I wanna pick the next planet.” Jonny told him, the comment got him some pushes and shoves as the others ribbed him slightly as they left the planet to seek another story.

**Author's Note:**

> Okay, I have an actual reasoning for this, hear me out.  
> If you listen to _Odin_ without context it kind of sounds like a ‘weird train conductor helping kids onto their big magic quest’-song (kinda like the _Polar Express_ ), which got me thinking of Raph as a fun magic guide and then it hit me Raph as Willy Wonka, so I did that. This is my excuse for this, no I did not just want to make everyone an oompa loompa where did you get that idea, get out of my house.
> 
> Yeah, I made the oompa loompas robots, it seemed fun and also robots in a uniform while the others try to fit it.
> 
> Comments make my absolute day, so thank you so much for leaving those if you did, you hero  
> (also kinda struggling to come up with something for TS, so if you have an idea for me, feel free to comment)


End file.
